You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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