they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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