I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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