Non-Jews are for practice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
