Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
