direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
