how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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