Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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