she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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