My friends, they love my intelligence
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
