Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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