Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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