Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
