i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
