I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
