like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
