She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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