Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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