Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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