We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
