Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's like iHOP with fire
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
