I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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