lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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