They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize