i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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