is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize