i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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