You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize