So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
