so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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