I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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