I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
