Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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