A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
