My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize