You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
