How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
