There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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