I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
