so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
