Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize