my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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