if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
