He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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