Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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