her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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