somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
