I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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