I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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