why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize