ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
