So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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