Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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