I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
