the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its not stalking. its research.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
