I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
