please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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