the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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