Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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