you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
