I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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