They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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