i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
