We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
