My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
