from now on my penis is your penis
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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