The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
