I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
