conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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