I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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