im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
