Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
