My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
