Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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