are you so shy because you have an std?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
