My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
