Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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