3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
