this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
