I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
