I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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