Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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