I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
