you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Someone signed my nipple.
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