i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
