i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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