i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
